Thursday, July 23, 2009

Once, in college, I injected caffeine directly into my eyeball...

A Plinky prompt: "Go ahead, get a secret off your chest."

French press familyImage by churl via Flickr

1) I am telling people that I am drinking less coffee, but really I discovered an evil way to "brew" iced coffee with mega-doses of caffeine. From the "wikihow" article "If you prefer iced coffee, use cold water and let the French Press stand overnight in the refrigerator. The coffee comes out very sweet and clean-tasting because there is no heat to harm the essential oils." What they don't say in the article is that if you use a super-abundance of ground coffee scoops in your refrigerated French Press, you will get a coffee so thick it is practically gelatinized. And evil. And hyper-caffeinated. And evil. It is the equivalent of cutting off your eyelids with a razor blade, and cauterizing (no messy blood running into your eyes and obscuring your vision). Why I have to keep it secret-ey on the down low: coffee makes me more unbalanced than I already am. Unbalanced me == shouting at clouds while bringing in the newspaper from the drive-way. And other forms of shouting and near fisticuffs and malodorous behavior.

Like a DogImage by -bartimaeus- via Flickr

2) I enjoy smelling inside dog's ears. Musky. 3) I took Lithium for a few years, in a very large dose. Not so much a indication of the magnitude of my mental illness - my body seemed to break it down immediately. I was taking a huge dose, but my blood tests showed only slightly above a trace amount of lithium in my bloodstream. But, any way you measure it, I was a walking time-bomb. Removing an un-medicated version of me from the planet, and replacing it with a medicated version of me, was a gift from my psychiatrist to all of mankind.

en: Thomas Paine (1737 – 1809), oil painting b...Image via Wikipedia

4) I am no longer an Atheist. Closer to the truth is that I am a Deist. I am a little embarrassed because being Deist is so wishy-washy. Ask Churchy-Folk, and they will claim everyone who isn't Stalin or Hitler to be a Deist, even people like Thomas Jefferson and Thomas Paine and Albert Einstein, who went pretty far out of their way to renounce all forms of supernatural or superstitious thinking. But, after a committed bout of Atheism, I have to admit I am a Deist. It better predicts what I would do in a stressful situation, and how I express my human compassion. It comes back to being raised as an Evangelical Lutheran, and considering Jesus as a "Super Hero" when I was a kid. But I still don't recommend Religious people having a conversation about religion with me - I have read enough atheist tracks to still be a serious religious wet blanket. 5) I am a man of few secrets. I used to be so concerned about what other people thought of me, I was tormented practically every waking hour. So much so, I must have "burned-out" that portion of my brain that worries about what other people think about me. That part of my brain "broke", and now I really cannot bring myself to care what other people think. My wife is not pleased with this.

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