Before attempt Rational Living - First Cast Aside Anxiety, Irritation, Negative Judgement

Image via Wikipedia

I was thinking, as I got into the car, that, as a prerequisite for attempting Rational Effective Living -- attempting analysis, decision, commitment, action, rinse & repeat -- I must rid myself in appearence and rid myself in substance of:

• Anxiety
• Irritation
• Negative Judgment of Others or Outside Things

... stated this way because casting away these debilitating things in substance follows casting away these debilitating things in appearance.  The appearance of calm and centeredness leads to fundamental integrity to the core with calm and centeredness.

I don't know if this is fundamental to everyone, but, for myself, Anxiety, Irritation, and Negative Judgment puts me in an incapable state.  These are the only things standing in my way, usually, in holding fast to calm and centeredness.

Negative Judgment of myself should not be chronic, because that, also, would lead to an incapable state.  I can use negative judgment of myself as a trigger -- as a part of the Analysis step of Rational Effective Living, because it will inform decisions about how to take action to improve myself, with moral emotional energy to maintain commitment.

Image by cliff1066™ via Flickr

So, I will practice the skill of interrupting incapable states, using psychological techniques and techniques about physicality, to rid myself of Anxiety, Irritation, and Negative Judgment of Other or Outside Things.  And, then, I have the Space to perform Analysis, Decision, Commitment, Action.

I'm assumed to be the leader, I just want to nap

"Explain why you'd rather pave the path or walk in it?" I just want to nap. But I am assumed to be the leader, usually. Why?

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

1) I am Tall and meaty. I am built like a fullback. People are lazy and assign leadership to the tallest guy around, because the top of his head is easy to track, even with bobbing and weaving. Follow that tall dude!

2) I am Very surly. I always have a poopie-face on, so people assign leadership to me, just so that they don't have to deal with my surly poopie-face when I shout down their attempt to give me an order. If I am shouting out orders, at least they get some relief when I eventually leave the room.

3) I am a Bullshit artist. I begin almost all my spoken sentences without any knowledge of my eventual point. I am a fount of infinite plausible bullshit.

4) I am the Child of an Alcoholic, so I can tolerate extremely provoking, shocking, uncomfortable, and violent situations. I just storm into every situation, and raise the anxiety levels with abuse until I am the only one who can still bear to string a sentence together. That is my Super Power.

Image by Rebecca L. Daily via Flickr

5) I actually care about Fairness and Fulfilling Human Potential and Validating Authentic Feelings. The other things make me a Good Leader, but this thing is why I am a Bad Leader. I actually care about Fairness and Fulfilling Human Potential and Validating Authentic Feelings, like a Girly-Man. Leaders should be complete psychopaths and sociopaths. People prefer psychopaths and sociopaths as leaders, and in that regard I always disappoint. When I open my fool mouth about Fairness and Fulfilling Human Potential and Validating Authentic Feelings, people know they can relax, because I will not be the leader for long. People hate hearing about Fairness and Fulfilling Human Potential and Validating Authentic Feelings because it is even more BORING than filling out a tax form. People actually prefer people who bulldoze over everyone, because then everyone is relieved of the burden of thoughtful consideration and honest heartfelt expression. Shut that BORING GIRLY-MAN up!

Taken all together, this is why I am constantly interrupted when I am just looking for a soft place to lie down, even though I don't want to lead, and nobody really wants me to lead. Put on the ol' poopie-face >:-{

Aside: what do I think is Human Potential?

About human potential - I am the rare breed of idiot that thinks people are entitled to the positive outcome based on their human potential - the potential from following a rational, moral, & emotionally honest strategy - probably while being dragged into it kicking and screaming and resisting it every step of the way -- a strategy that is likely to lead to dignity, fulfillment, mutually strengthening human relations, and inner peace.

In the past, this kind of idiot was tarred, feathered, drawn & quartered, because hanging was too good for them.

Anxiety and Coping Vs. Intention, Decision, Action

I have been in a peculiar state recently.  One of the things you notice after treatment of depression is that moods that would have completely left me incapacitated turn into moods that "merely" leave me in a unproductive state.  It is frustrating, because I have responsibilities that are being throttled down, and I am getting to practically nothing done.  But people, from the outside, cannot see much evidence anything is wrong.

When I don't fully acknowledge that I am in an incapable state, I often put the cart before the horse.  Recently, that means I have been contemplating "Intention, Decision, Action" when I should have been more honestly grappling with "Anxiety and Coping Vs. Intention, Decision, Action".

It has not been taking very much to put me into the teeth of anxiety, and I waste my day with coping mechanisms, like web surfing and being an indulgent nurse-maid to my own sinus headaches.

Serendipitously, the Adam Carolla Podcast with Marc Maron ended with a very interesting segment.

http://www.adamcarolla.com/ACPBlog/2010/02/10/adam-and-marc-maron/

There was a caller who asked the basic question of "How do you get off your ass and do what you are supposed to do?"

Adam approached the problem as "this is a skill I don't yet possess, and I will develop it by continually challenging myself".

So, using that mentality, I should apply that to "Anxiety and Coping Vs. Intention, Decision, Action".

Breaking it down a bit:

* Acceptance of the anxiety I feel - even to the point of taking time to experience the full depth of it, so that I waste no energy on a persistent draining state of fruitless avoidance.

Acceptance and commitment therapy

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acceptance_and_commitment_therapy

ACT:

• Accept your reactions and be present
• Choose a valued direction
• Take action

ACT commonly employs six core principles to help clients develop psychological flexibility:

1. Cognitive de-fusion: Learning to perceive thoughts, images, emotions, and memories as what they are, not what they appear to be.
2. Acceptance: Allowing them to come and go without struggling with them.
3. Contact with the present moment: Awareness of the here and now, experienced with openness, interest, and receptiveness.
4. Observing the self: Accessing a transcendent sense of self, a continuity of consciousness which is changing.
5. Values: Discovering what is most important to one's true self.
6. Committed action: Setting goals according to values and carrying them out responsibly.

* practicing the skill of dialing down the anxiety level

* practicing the skill of interrupting the coping habitual wasteful activities

* practicing the skill of substituting in "Intention, Decision, Action"

Messy Haired Boy and the Un-Kicked Ass

Image by Brymo via Flickr

There was a boy, with messy hair. Too many fears, not many friends. Stuck in his head, crazy thoughts.

He needed an ass-kicking.

He got an education, of a sort. He avoided women and work and women.

He needed an ass-kicking.

The Universe saw he needed an ass-kicking. And stuck a shoe in.

The boy rubbed his ass, sobbing.

The boy has changed a bit, ass hurts a bunch, but yet some messy hair,
but yet some too many fears,
but yet some not many friends,
but yet some stuck in head,
but yet some crazy thoughts,
but yet some avoid women,
but yet some avoid work,
but yet some avoid women.

Image by bunchofpants via Flickr

Boy is better, but not much better.

NEEDS MORE ASS-KICKING!

Metacognition - thinking about thinking

Image via Wikipedia

How to avoid temptation - impossible without practice in Metacognition - thinking about thinking; being aware of how your own mind works.

Sex Ed : Jonah Lehrer - The Frontal Cortex: "
The point is that we've been arming our kids with the wrong mental tools. Instead of giving them statistics, we need to provide them with the cognitive tools to deal with temptation. Instead of urging them to abstain, we need to show them how to abstain. There is no secret recipe for overcoming our 'hottest' urges, like sexual desire. But you could do worse than giving kids a short lesson in metacognition. I think Walter Mischel's work with four-year olds and marshmallows is relevant here:

At the time, psychologists assumed that children's ability to wait [to delay gratification for a second marshmallow] depended on how badly they wanted the marshmallow. But it soon became obvious that every child craved the extra treat. What, then, determined self-control? Mischel's conclusion, based on hundreds of hours of observation, was that the crucial skill was the 'strategic allocation of attention.' Instead of getting obsessed with the marshmallow--the 'hot stimulus'--the patient children distracted themselves by covering their eyes, pretending to play hide-and-seek underneath the desk, or singing songs from 'Sesame Street.' Their desire wasn't defeated--it was merely forgotten. 'If you're thinking about the marshmallow and how delicious it is, then you're going to eat it,' Mischel says. 'The key is to avoid thinking about it in the first place.'

Image via Wikipedia

In adults, this skill is often referred to as metacognition, or thinking about thinking, and it's what allows people to outsmart their shortcomings. (When Odysseus had himself tied to the ship's mast, he was using some of the skills of metacognition: knowing he wouldn't be able to resist the Sirens' song, he made it impossible to give in.) Mischel's large data set from various studies allowed him to see that children with a more accurate understanding of the workings of self-control were better able to delay gratification. 'What's interesting about four-year-olds is that they're just figuring out the rules of thinking,' Mischel says. 'The kids who couldn't delay would often have the rules backwards. They would think that the best way to resist the marshmallow is to stare right at it, to keep a close eye on the goal. But that's a terrible idea. If you do that, you're going to ring the bell before I leave the room.'

"

Where I am at right now

Image via Wikipedia

Where I am right now is... contemplating how each day my actions tell a story about what I really care about, and how fast I really am willing to work for my stated highest goals.

And the results are not pretty - I see behind me days full of wasting time, managing my level of anxiety, managing my mood, and indulging my petty desires over working on my stated highest goals.

Can I justify not having "having my actions, right now, be consistent with a priority informed by my stated highest goals" near the top of the hierarchy of values, goals, moral based priorities for thoughts and actions.

Repeat the phrase:

...having my actions, right now, be consistent with a priority informed by my stated highest goals - now, five minutes from now, ten minutes from now, stretching out to decades from now.

Image via Wikipedia

Also, speaking of my hierarchy of values, goals, moral based priorities for thoughts and actions...

There are times when I realize that the comforting habitual action I am indulging in cannot be justified by any possible effective hierarchy of values, goals, moral based priorities for thoughts and actions.

So, practice interruptions in those comforting habitual actions and thoughts.  If the energy to start a more effective action is lacking, practice meditation, and if cannot manage that, try restful sleep for 20 minutes at most.

It is disturbing that during the morning of each day, I do not have a motivating expectation of that day's level of work toward my highest values and goals.  That is another thing to practice.

It is disturbing that during the late evening of each day, I do not have a motivating expectation of the next day's level of work toward my highest values and goals.  That is another thing to practice.

Image by Hamza Hydri via Flickr

If I cannot manage to sit down to formulate a motivating expection in the morning and in the late evening, then just write down a word or two, maybe a short sentence.

How is that?  Can I hold myself to this?  I must hold myself to this.  I will practice this, and improve.  I will come back to this, regularly.

Patience and Impatience: both are curses and both are blessings

Start with a quote:

Patience is the support of weakness; impatience the ruin of strength.
Charles Colton

Image by Scootzsx via Flickr

I have been thinking about how in Eastern philosophies, there is a tolerance for explicitly integrating the contradictory, like how lightness and darkness are explicitly integrated in the Yin-Yang symbol.
Two seemingly contradictory character traits are patience and impatience.

Impatience can be a virtue when it propels you to make a positive change, because you cannot tolerate settling for less anymore.  Patience over a bad situation, when your freedom allows you to change, is a curse.  (Don't confuse outer constraints of liberty with inner freedom to choose your own response and choose your own meaning.  We are speaking of Viktor Frankl's "The Last Freedom".)

Patience can be a virtue when you forgive yourself for taking a step back, because, after a re-charge of energy and re-focusing of attention, you can take two steps forward.  Impatience, in that situation, can be a curse because it may make you catastrophize and become helpless because you are hopeless.

Image by Alberto Casanova via Flickr

A shift between the ideal and realistic, back and forth, can be a mature way to grow in inner capability over years.
Both fostering the ideal as a goal to work towards, and fostering the realistic to maximize effectiveness in that work, are skills that can be improved.

Paul Graham writes something worth reading

Paul Graham: "Keep Your Identity Small"

http://www.paulgraham.com/identity.html

I finally realized today why politics and religion yield such uniquely useless discussions.

...

I think what religion and politics have in common is that they become part of people's identity, and people can never have a fruitful argument about something that's part of their identity. By definition they're partisan.

Which topics engage people's identity depends on the people, not the topic. ...

...indeed, you can have a fruitful discussion ... so long as you exclude people who respond from identity.

This is correct, and well put. But I disagree with the title, taken as advice, and the last paragraph, taken as advice:

Keep Your Identity Small

Most people reading this will already be fairly tolerant. But there is a step beyond thinking of yourself as x but tolerating y: not even to consider yourself an x. The more labels you have for yourself, the dumber they make you.

Image by bootload via Flickr

The problem is that Identity just didn't develop in humans to make them dumber. A great deal of your effectiveness and personal power comes from your Identity.

• If you identify yourself as a Provider, you will be able to accomplish more for your families needs in good times, in bad times, and, especially, in the very worst times.

• If you are running a Democratic campaign, your most effective workers will identify themselves as Democrats.

• If you identify your worth as a person with the label Electrician, you will operate on a higher plane of competency than your colleagues that don't identify their worth as such.

Image by bootload via Flickr

If I had to try to develop my best advice in this area, I would say:

• "Make your deepest expression of Identity explicitly"
• "Use slightly more labels than you otherwise would"
• "Stay resolute inside your Identity, with all its labels"
• "In brief and infrequent times of personal downtime, allow yourself to critically examine all the labels of your identity, and change them if they are unlikely to help you secure what you now greatly value"

What you risk, by not using slightly more labels than you otherwise would, is foregoing the power that labels provide.

What are the paths to be developed?

Management; Business; Personal Effectiveness; Information Automation; Effectiveness Modeling; Teaching Personal Effectiveness OK, got Day Zero, what would be Day One? Business: singular, consistent source of increasing value, at lower total cost; or else, race to the bottom Management: if considering a group of more than one person, either Value the Differences, or Continually Fight the Differences, until 100% of the effort, attention, focus is spent fighting the differences, and nothing of value gets done

Image via Wikipedia

Personal Effectiveness: Everything you do satisfies a need, or desire, or impulse. There is a hierarchy of needs and desires (impulses are on the very bottom) Information Automation: The chair has ??? (many) legs --

• Throughput
• Latency
• Sustain Increasing Bandwidth
• Integrity and Correctness
• Respects Rules of Trust Relationships
• Respects Rules of Security
• Reliability
• Availability and Accessibility
• Scalability (and Distribution of Working Instances)
• Economic use of Limited Resources
• Timely Implementation with Available Resources
• Satisfying Human Value
• Not Violating Human Sensibilities (including Regulatory requirements)
• Iterative Development
• Ability to be Sustained by Attracting enough developer hours
• Distributed Development

(Why the heck so many? The absence of any one is a failure mode that is almost always fatal, if we consider projects in competition for developer hours.) Kick out one of these legs, the chair falls down. Sorry. Wish it was different, but it is not. (I got to think about this more.) (Oh wait, contemplating projects in competition for developer hours is the real Day One) Effectiveness Modeling: We consider, as a fundamental pair, the distribution and a measure of certainty. In competition, respectful of the Violation Criteria, several sources yield distributions and measures of certainty, as pairs. (LIAR: this is several days packed together, day one is -- We assume the existence of at least one Violation Criteria) Teaching Personal Effectiveness: Possess something that might be mistaken for Success, and document the method by which it was obtained. (Might be mistaken for Success, only from a great distance, and through fog, but somewhat resembles Success, none the less.)