Note to self - don't be such a sissy-pantz

I am such a weird bundle of anxieties, I am *always* too risk-adverse. With regards to attraction and romance and love, better to be sorry than safe.

Image by Victor Bezrukov via Flickr

With regards to sex, realize it is what humans do when they get nervous about emotional vulnerability and intensity. When things get scary because of emotional vulnerability, people have sex as a way of avoiding those scary feelings. Holding off on sex is a guaranteed way to have more emotionally honest relationships. This explains why men and women leap into sexually physicality. Don't fool yourselves ladies - to a first approximation, a man and a women have sex at the exact time that a women starts feeling uncomfortable with the potential emotional intensity. It is a way to regain the power in this situation. Emotional intensity and vulnerability - better to be sorry than safe.

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Ugh, what the hell? Can't I answer a Plinky prompt in a straightforward way? Ignore me, I am just too full of myself.

Emotion - A Tool to bring Daily Behavior in congruence with Moral Goals [Rev 2]

I am struggling here, at my desk at work. I am keenly aware that my daily behavior is not congruent with what I perceive as my highest moral goals, for the short-term and the long-term. I have a lot of excuses for it. My "best" excuse is that I will have some flash of insight, and then and only then, for the rest of my life, I will effortlessly daily work in the direction of my highest moral goals.

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But I know that waiting for this flash of insight is a cop-out. There is no substitute for the daily grind of doing the best you can with your available resources, however meager you consider them to be, now. I have a friend who spoke of someday taking a few years off to meditate in the seclusion of the wilderness and really come to grips with his place in the universe, and how he would manage his future. And I felt so sad, because I know that these deep insights only come to people who are... fully engaged in life and fully engaged with the real word and fully engaged with the daily grind and fully engaged with the mundane and fully engaged with people. You get better insights when you subject yourself to the daily rigors of real world living. Any "truth" you discover in the wilderness will be hollow in comparison.

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But, if I know that to be true, are my actions consistent with that? Am I throwing myself into honest daily work? [I feel] I have to formalize immersing myself in the emotional feeling of what is at stake when we are talking about fulfilling or not fulfilling my highest moral goals, for the short-term and the long-term. Because I am terrified of days slipping away. And I cannot count on those moments of terror alone to spur fruitful effective daily action, and correct priorities towards choices about action and choices about limited resources. Also, in the past I have used over-complicating a formal system as a way to have an excuse to not do it: either, I need time to make the system more rigorous, or, the system being so laborious, that I needed to be in a very resourceful state to even be able to perform the system.

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God, I pray: please help me to utilize emotion to bring my daily behavior in congruence with my highest moral goals, both in the short-term and the long term. So, along with the prayer, what is action I can take now to help myself? The task includes asking the questions that will identify the highest moral goals in the short term and the long term - but not using the desire to be totally and rigorously comprehensive as a stalling technique. The task includes linking those goals to actions I can take now (even if that action is taking some analysis and consideration), and linking those goals to priorities towards choices about action, choices about time, choices about energy (including restorative meditation, etc.) and choices about limited resources. The priorities will suggest certain actions. Be realistic about the free hours available, and the free energy available. We are pushing past the comfort point - so pushing back on daily, habitual, typical activities. We are pushing back on activities that are inconsistent with accomplishment. Remember: We are planning for today, and making the week the smallest unit of balance. The task includes identifying a list of actions to take place in the day or the next few hours. Better too few than too many, because this activity can be done several times a day, if necessary. The actions will also be in a specific order of completion. The task includes identifying a motivating emotional trigger to each action - positive towards the successful completion of the action, and negative towards failing to complete the action. Now, complete the actions in order. If, cannot, then write out the renunciation of that driving highest goal. This is the renunciation of any and all higher goals that could lead to that action, because we want to see the choice with stark consequences. If that does not spur on action, then consider restorative activities (first consider some exercise to get the blood pumping, before laying down. A few moments to meditate is consistent with high levels of productivity and effectiveness as well.) Remember: action _IS_ emotion, emotion _IS_action, and neither is consistent with sitting and coping and wasting time and waiting. Action/emotion put off for later _IS_ action/emotion suppressed _IS_ the embryo of stress & anxiety; when we are talking about effective action. Collect these writings of goals, actions, motivating emotional triggers, and renunciations. Collect the completed tasks and the uncompleted tasks. What to do with the collection: If, over the course of weeks, the renunciations for a particular goal accumulate, then, at the least, that goal has to be discarded now. Leave aside the question of if the goal needs to be discarded permanently - it may need to be discarded several times, each at a point where an excess of capability and resources is accumulated first, and still judged to be lacking, before being discarded permanently. What to do with the collection: See if I am meeting the ideal of the week as the smallest unit of balance, from the written objective evidence. OK, looks good.

Emotion - A Tool to bring Daily Behavior in congruence with Moral Goals

I am struggling here, at my desk at work. I am keenly aware that my daily behavior is not congruent with what I perceive as my highest moral goals, for the short-term and the long-term. I have a lot of excuses for it. My "best" excuse is that I will have some flash of insight, and then, for the rest of my life, I will effortlessly daily work in the direction of my highest moral goals. But I know that waiting for this flash of insight is a cop-out. There is no substitute for the daily grind of doing the best you can with your available resources, however meager you consider them to be, now.

Image by cobalt123 via Flickr

I have a friend who spoke of someday taking a few years off to meditate and really come to grips with his place in the universe, and how he would manage his future. And I felt so sad, because I know that these insights only come to people who at engaged in life and engaged with the real word and engaged with the daily grind. You get better insights when you subject yourself to the daily rigors of real world living. Any "truth" you discover in the wilderness will be hollow in comparison. But, if I know that to be true, are my actions consistent with that? Am I throwing myself into honest daily work? [I feel] I have to formalize immersing myself in the emotional feeling of what is at state when we are talking about fulfilling or not fulfilling my highest moral goals, for the short-term and the long-term. Because I am terrified of days slipping away. And I cannot count on those moments of terror alone to spur fruitful effective daily action, and correct priorities towards choices about action and choices about limited resources. Also, in the past I have used over-complicating a formal system as a way to have an excuse to not do it: either, I need time to make the system more rigorous, or, the system being so laborious, that I needed to be in a very resourceful state to be able to perform the system.

Image via Wikipedia

God, I pray: please help me to utilize emotion to bring my daily behavior in congruence with my highest moral goals, both in the short-term and the long term. So, along with the prayer, what is action I can take now to help myself? The task includes asking the questions that will identify highest moral goals in the short term and the long term - but not using the desire to be totally and rigorously comprehensive as a stalling technique. The task includes linking those goals to actions I can take now (even if that action is taking some analysis and consideration), and linking those goals to priorities towards choices about action, choices about time, choices about energy (including restorative meditation, etc.) and choices about limited resources. The priorities will suggest certain actions. The task includes identifying a list of actions to take place in the day or the next few hours. Better too few than too many, because this activity can be done several times a day, if necessary. The actions will also be in a specific order of completion. The task includes identifying a motivating emotional trigger to each action - positive towards the successful completion of the action, and negative towards failing to complete the action. Now, complete the actions in order. If, cannot, then write out the renunciation of that driving highest goal. If that does not spur on action, then consider restorative activities (first consider some exercise to get the blood pumping, before laying down. A few moments to meditate is consistent with high levels of productivity and effectiveness as well.)

Image by xiu×5 via Flickr

Collect these writings of goals, actions, motivating emotional triggers, and renunciations. If, over the course of weeks, the renunciation for a particular goal accumulate, then, at the least, that goal has to be discarded now. Leave aside the question of if the goal needs to be discarded permanently - it may need to be discarded several times, each at a point where an excess of capability and resources is accumulated first, and still judged to be lacking, before being discarded permanently. OK, looks good.

Why "We Three Kings" make me cry? Never been beat up by Wise Man or Camel!

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I am not 100% sure about these song selections. I am in a very different place now than I was even 2 years ago. My emotions are all focused on making my everyday life match my highest aspirations, so I have very little emotional energy left for where music can take me emotionally. During the dark times of my life, the music I listened to was too self-absorbed, and I threw them all away a long time ago, because I just couldn't risk wasting any more time.

We Three Kings by The Roches

This song is the only one that can make me cry. I have no idea why. I don't have any strong sad feelings about Christmas or Christmas music. Must be the melody. If I had some musical ability, I could state what it was unique about that melody.

There Is A Light That Never Goes Out by Smiths

I don't cry, but I do feel very melancholy. The first quarter century of my life was quite lonely - I had things to share, but I hadn't yet processed that I was on a unsustainable self-destructive path when it came to my relation to the outside world. There is nothing like *almost* hitting rock bottom to change self-destructive behaviors. I still have some unsustainable self-destructive behaviors, but I traded up to a better set of garbage behaviors, and I am self-aware and working on them daily.

Image by Victor V via Flickr

This song captures a feeling of self-imposed isolation.

Brian Wilson by Barenaked Ladies

Again, no waterworks, but a feeling of melancholy. Again, a song about isolation. My isolation was profound during my collage years. I desperately wanted help. But my foolish pride kept me from examining my personal faults. I was playing an elaborate game to preserve my self-esteem, even though that self-esteem was fraudulent, and destructive. Bleh..

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Brian Wilson via last.fm

Lying in bed, just like Brian Wilson did...

My sixth grade daughter is already smarter than I am... but here goes...

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I wonder what would happen if the Plinky server droids broke into my house, and questioned my daughter directly about how good, or how lame, her old dad is when it comes to giving life lessons. Robotic metallic Plinky server droids, eight feet tall, menacing over our dining room table, where we work on school's homework every week-night, asking my daughter about her estimation of my parental skills. I may end up getting zapped on the butt with a laser gun, because I run off my fool mouth. (I have caught my daughter rolling her eyes more than once...)

Problem Solving

One thing I suffered from as a kid was "learned helplessness". I just saw, too soon and too often, why my problems were completely hopeless. So when my daughter senses a problem, I try to just calmly talk her through some viewpoints where she, herself, can see the logical first steps to solving the problem. Does it help her? My wife and my daughter are strong women, so their complaining about a situation is usually an attempt at initial stress release, before they roll up their sleeves and dive in to solve the problem themselves. So I wouldn't be surprised if my daughter said I just run my mouth. She would not be the first to so accuse me.

Getting Along with People

The social skill of meeting people, not half-way, but *MORE* than half-way. And getting a friend by *being* a friend. My daughter just points out how I don't seem to have too many friends. (Hmm, she has got a point there...)

Hard work counts more than smarts

I had a little bit too easy a time when it came to schooling. A casual observer might mistake me for somebody with brains. But anyway you slice it, you can find a lot of failures that are long on brains and short on hard work. And if you think you have met a successful man who didn't have to work hard, just wait, the situation will soon reverse itself. My daughter points out that for somebody who claims to see the value of hard work, I do a pretty tiny amount of it. (Grr...) She has got the brains, and the hard work, already, so I am confident she will go far.

People with a sense of entitlement never go far

I am not sure I have ever said this to my daughter. I repeat it to myself, over and over, but I don't think I have ever had reason to say it to her.

KISS: Keep It Simple, Stupid

Uh, I have never said this to my daughter. My wife says it to me, repeatedly. My daughter has picked it up from my negative example. (Sigh...) I complicate everything I touch, to the point that simple tasks get so complicated I have to abandon them in despair. This Plinky prompt is getting more depressing...

Always be improving your morals and integrity

I talk out loud to my daughter on this, about my own challenges, because I know that I have to actively work on improving my morals and integrity. I guess that is a pretty good way to express this, by honestly and openly working on this yourself, as a parent.

Image by NJLA: New Jersey Library Association via Flickr

Neatness in homework counts

I will stop here, because, at last, I have arrived at something where my daughter still has a way to go. Messy, messy writing. Her problem is that she can get good results just rushing and powering through the homework, but I hope she can learn to take time, because the care will pay off.

Four ideas, yesterday and today

Morality = emotion + cultural transmission + ability to abstract First, today, was listening to webcast... From EconLog, Arnold Kling:

"Moral Philosophy" "Will Wilkinson and Jesse Prinz. Highly recommended. You could easily spend four years at an Ivy League college and not have a class as interesting as this one."

Webcast on : bloggingheads.tv

• @13:20 Jesse Prinz, "'Emotions are the middle ground between _action_ and _thought_"
• @28:38 Jesse Prinz: "morality is inevitable, but morality is not universal
• @45:00 Morality = emotion + cultural transmission + ability to abstract

OK, "Morality = emotion + cultural transmission + ability to abstract". Then yesterday was thinking about three things: Politics & Societial Prescriptive Morality:

• what if you list the things that really disturb
• if you confess that, people will say you are: elitist, practically an enemy combatant, wrong, unreasonable
• you could lose your: livelyhood, carreer, friends, recognition
• in Third World countries, you could lose your life, if you are on the wrong side of political conflicts
• the end result - consider working outside of public politics

Fame & Publicity:

• what if you contrast who does and who does not deserve positive fame and publicity
• if you confess that, people will say you are: elitist, wrong, unreasonable
• the end result - consider working outside of public notoriety

but then I was thinking, if morality is tied to emotion, it is not easy to control.

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You owe it to the world to be Progressive, Happy, Effective:

1. Happy, Effective and Progressive
2. Unhappy, Uneffective and Progressive
3. Happy, Effective and Reactive

When we consider people who are Progressive, but also Unhappy and Uneffective, we are supposed to see that they just need help to expand their responses, and not to criticize them, because they are just doing the best they can. But don't people who are Reactive deserve the same understanding?