Before attempt Rational Living - First Cast Aside Anxiety, Irritation, Negative Judgement

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I was thinking, as I got into the car, that, as a prerequisite for attempting Rational Effective Living -- attempting analysis, decision, commitment, action, rinse & repeat -- I must rid myself in appearence and rid myself in substance of:

• Anxiety
• Irritation
• Negative Judgment of Others or Outside Things

... stated this way because casting away these debilitating things in substance follows casting away these debilitating things in appearance.  The appearance of calm and centeredness leads to fundamental integrity to the core with calm and centeredness.

I don't know if this is fundamental to everyone, but, for myself, Anxiety, Irritation, and Negative Judgment puts me in an incapable state.  These are the only things standing in my way, usually, in holding fast to calm and centeredness.

Negative Judgment of myself should not be chronic, because that, also, would lead to an incapable state.  I can use negative judgment of myself as a trigger -- as a part of the Analysis step of Rational Effective Living, because it will inform decisions about how to take action to improve myself, with moral emotional energy to maintain commitment.

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So, I will practice the skill of interrupting incapable states, using psychological techniques and techniques about physicality, to rid myself of Anxiety, Irritation, and Negative Judgment of Other or Outside Things.  And, then, I have the Space to perform Analysis, Decision, Commitment, Action.

Anxiety and Coping Vs. Intention, Decision, Action

I have been in a peculiar state recently.  One of the things you notice after treatment of depression is that moods that would have completely left me incapacitated turn into moods that "merely" leave me in a unproductive state.  It is frustrating, because I have responsibilities that are being throttled down, and I am getting to practically nothing done.  But people, from the outside, cannot see much evidence anything is wrong.

When I don't fully acknowledge that I am in an incapable state, I often put the cart before the horse.  Recently, that means I have been contemplating "Intention, Decision, Action" when I should have been more honestly grappling with "Anxiety and Coping Vs. Intention, Decision, Action".

It has not been taking very much to put me into the teeth of anxiety, and I waste my day with coping mechanisms, like web surfing and being an indulgent nurse-maid to my own sinus headaches.

Serendipitously, the Adam Carolla Podcast with Marc Maron ended with a very interesting segment.

http://www.adamcarolla.com/ACPBlog/2010/02/10/adam-and-marc-maron/

There was a caller who asked the basic question of "How do you get off your ass and do what you are supposed to do?"

Adam approached the problem as "this is a skill I don't yet possess, and I will develop it by continually challenging myself".

So, using that mentality, I should apply that to "Anxiety and Coping Vs. Intention, Decision, Action".

Breaking it down a bit:

* Acceptance of the anxiety I feel - even to the point of taking time to experience the full depth of it, so that I waste no energy on a persistent draining state of fruitless avoidance.

Acceptance and commitment therapy

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acceptance_and_commitment_therapy

ACT:

• Accept your reactions and be present
• Choose a valued direction
• Take action

ACT commonly employs six core principles to help clients develop psychological flexibility:

1. Cognitive de-fusion: Learning to perceive thoughts, images, emotions, and memories as what they are, not what they appear to be.
2. Acceptance: Allowing them to come and go without struggling with them.
3. Contact with the present moment: Awareness of the here and now, experienced with openness, interest, and receptiveness.
4. Observing the self: Accessing a transcendent sense of self, a continuity of consciousness which is changing.
5. Values: Discovering what is most important to one's true self.
6. Committed action: Setting goals according to values and carrying them out responsibly.

* practicing the skill of dialing down the anxiety level

* practicing the skill of interrupting the coping habitual wasteful activities

* practicing the skill of substituting in "Intention, Decision, Action"

Messy Haired Boy and the Un-Kicked Ass

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There was a boy, with messy hair. Too many fears, not many friends. Stuck in his head, crazy thoughts.

He needed an ass-kicking.

He got an education, of a sort. He avoided women and work and women.

He needed an ass-kicking.

The Universe saw he needed an ass-kicking. And stuck a shoe in.

The boy rubbed his ass, sobbing.

The boy has changed a bit, ass hurts a bunch, but yet some messy hair,
but yet some too many fears,
but yet some not many friends,
but yet some stuck in head,
but yet some crazy thoughts,
but yet some avoid women,
but yet some avoid work,
but yet some avoid women.

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Boy is better, but not much better.

NEEDS MORE ASS-KICKING!

I am jealous of people who had sweet romances in their youth

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Kinda cutting close to the bone, but I admit I am jealous of people who had sweet romances in their youth. My whole first quarter of a century of living was full of longing for romance. I can hardly blame the 3.4 billion women for my lack of romance- I was a very troubled boy with a head full of troubling thoughts. I am now sufficiently medicated for a relationship, and I have pulled my head out of my ass enough for a relationship - and, what do you know, I now have a relationship. So huzzah for modern pharmacology and pulling heads out of asses.

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But adult relationships cannot have the same sweetness of young romances, and that is a downer. But indulging in long bouts of envy cannot lead to a better life, so reminding myself of this fact is how I stop indulging in envy.

The Unibomber could teach me about being more neighborly

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I have always had the introverted & Aspergers thing going on, so I have always found neighborly-type relationships anxiety laden to the point of being painful. The neighbors I have found myself saddled with have not done anything to help. A motley crew.

I have found there is not fence high enough to make a bad neighbor into a good neighbor, so giving them a fake smile and giving with a wide berth and meeting them more than half-way is the best solution. Give them an inch, watch them take a mile, and just trust the universe to dole out the bad karma to them in the next life, and suck it up. I always assume I will end up paying for 150% of any neighborly transaction, so when it turns out I am *only* paying 145% I am pleasantly surprised, and I use all my spiritual energy for that fake smile I was talking about, and never give any thought to revenge.

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The worst neighbors always have the most free time, and the best neighbors are always working too hard to give any time or energy to a bad scene. So, if you are gainfully employed, you will never win any battle with a bad neighbor. Just be polite, and save your pennies for lawyer's fees, if they *really* *really* overstep.

Tancredo and Kos and Mental Health

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Wow, Markos "Kos" Moulitsas showed no mercy. Tom Tancredo embraces his hard-core right wing credibility, so he was an active participant. He had his "veteran" credibility removed from under him by *actual* veteran Markos. But as a person who suffers from depression myself, I cannot say I am 100% cool with this. It is wrong to use depression as a slur, but, then, what goes around comes around - so I can't feel too sorry for Tancredo.

Randomly Walking: Tancredo and Kos and Mental Health: "

My regular readers know that I have a significant mental illness. Tom Tancredo got a deferment from serving in Viet Nam due to depression. That illness is basically all that he and I have in common.

I initially thought that it was a cheap shot for Kos to mention the reason for Tancredo's deferment until I saw (via a comment to the original story) that Tancredo had voted against a law that would require insurance companies to treat mental illness the same way as they treat physical illness.

I guess that it was ok for him to stay out of the war due to mental illness but not ok to have people with mental illness treated in the same manner by their insurance company as people with any other chronic (or acute) condition.

"

My comment to Rob Wolfe's post:

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Disgusting. A diagnosis of depression was good enough to keep him out of Vietnam, a war he publicly supported, but not good enough to count as a "real" disease.

As I fellow person diagnosed with the mental illness of depression, I cannot fathom such callow and craven behavior as Tom Tancredo demonstrated.

Worst ways of getting attention - caffeine induced irritability

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Uh, the only attention I know about is negative attention and infamy. Start a fight. Escalate a situation to the exploding point. Cut down a person just as they enter a room. Passive-aggressive behavior, and just plain-old aggressive-aggressive behavior, on top. Mitigation: People feel pretty comfortable shoving my bad attitude back into my face. And my loved ones are always laughing at me. On the whole, it is all a little too raucous, so I could stand to tone it down.

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I have cut my caffeine intake.

Am I talking to you, or am I talking to your defensiveness?

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If people put up a "fake face" or a bunch of social coping techniques, out of defensiveness, I try to pick up on this within the first few seconds. Then I exponentially escalate my own obnoxiousness until the whole situation explodes. I do this because I am a jerk about that. I could come up with some spiritual mumbo-jumbo to make believe I am so deep and so real, but the truth is that I enjoy being a jerk about that. Probably because I cannot handle multiple layers of duplicity in humans, because of my own social anxiety, so forcing the whole situation to explode is my technique to end the stress. I recommend it. You rarely miss out on much if you send defensive people running away shouting and angry at you.

Oldest child, initially rebellious to father, a winning combination...

Oldest male child, so from there would come the tendency for conservatism.

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I had an alcoholic and abusive father, so, along with my own aggression, comes a tendency for rebellion. Now, that I have reconciled with father, and I admire what he was able to accomplish with his life and provide for his family, I have a combination of both conservatism and rebellion, that I feel works well for me. Both conservatism and rebellious revolutionary progressivism can be unbelievably idiotic, in the extremes. The two together, holding the worst parts of both in check, is pretty good way to be, I feel. Obviously, it takes a personality that can handle being in perpetual inner conflict and ambiguity. My skin is already on fire with anxiety, so a little more conflict barely matters. Err, the quicker I type, the more I reveal of my, how can I put this delicately, "potential for hideousness". Would it soften your opinion of me if I tell you that my loved ones are quick to laugh at me, and I am quick to join in on their laughter?...

Social anxiety and dating...

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"Um, wanna go get some coffee?" If you are a guy, and suffer from social anxiety: 1) get over yourself - if you do nothing else than buy a girl a cup of coffee and flatter her with a few minutes of attention (and awkward conversation), you have done well and done enough.

"Uh, wanna see the free showing of Dances With Wolves on campus?" If you are a guy, and suffer from social anxiety: 2) If you worry about your "friends" approval of girls you date - don't date. Until you scrape together some more maturity, just concentrate on being a friendly guy in a friendly group. Give girls a friendly smile and a friendly quick gaze in her eyes, because girls deserve friendly smiles and friendly gazes.

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"Uh, you want to dance? Oh, wait, this song is lame. Next song..." If you are a guy, and suffer from social anxiety: 3) Girls are interesting. Wait, wait, wait on trying to bed one of them. With the pressure off on trying to bed them, just soak in how interesting different girls are.

(Goth dance club) "Uh, you want I get you a bottle of water?" If you are a guy, and suffer from social anxiety: 4) Pertaining to the question of whether girls are attracted to jerks or not - forget it. Work on the assumption that you will be unable to conceal your true nature, and go ahead and wear your heart on your sleeve. You flatter yourself if you worry some girl will try to break your heart or take advantage of you - nobody cares enough to bother. Your "game" consists of bringing your whole self, and being brave enough to step ahead of shuffling crowd.

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(After camping with a group of friends) "Uh, I drew you a picture of the camping trip we went on." If you are a guy, and suffer from social anxiety: 5) Learn to love rejection. Every rejection takes you closer to a "Yes". "Yes" only comes after collecting a requisite amount of humiliating rejections - enough to callous you to sense of rejection. The more scared you are of a particular rejection, more important to collect TWO rejections before next day sun rise.

Call me... "Sniffer of Hands"

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I pity my poor hands. My brain is always sending them on suicide missions to the hairiest, sweatiest, most fragrant crevasses of my body, so I can take a constant inventory of my current level of body odor. I wish I lived, worked, slept in a massive hot shower all the time, with sudsy body washes, so I could be permanently squeaky clean. My hands would appreciate it, not to mention my nose.

Women get Upset

Women enjoy being unhappy. However, if you are a man and suffering from the symptoms of Asperger's Disorder, you can be cured of most of the pathologies by having a shrill female threatening you with removal of your face and eyelids, for the tiniest infraction. Frankly, I was, in my youth, unhealthily detached from the outside world. Now, that world, in the person of a Small-Form-Factor Female-Type, abuses me into awareness. To my eternal gratitude. (I have been so sarcastic, so long, that even I forget exactly when I am being completely sincere. A risk of sarcasm.)