The Unibomber could teach me about being more neighborly

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I have always had the introverted & Aspergers thing going on, so I have always found neighborly-type relationships anxiety laden to the point of being painful. The neighbors I have found myself saddled with have not done anything to help. A motley crew.

I have found there is not fence high enough to make a bad neighbor into a good neighbor, so giving them a fake smile and giving with a wide berth and meeting them more than half-way is the best solution. Give them an inch, watch them take a mile, and just trust the universe to dole out the bad karma to them in the next life, and suck it up. I always assume I will end up paying for 150% of any neighborly transaction, so when it turns out I am *only* paying 145% I am pleasantly surprised, and I use all my spiritual energy for that fake smile I was talking about, and never give any thought to revenge.

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The worst neighbors always have the most free time, and the best neighbors are always working too hard to give any time or energy to a bad scene. So, if you are gainfully employed, you will never win any battle with a bad neighbor. Just be polite, and save your pennies for lawyer's fees, if they *really* *really* overstep.

My exaggerated eye-rolling muscles are in very good shape...

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It was explained to me, at lunch today, that my response to ANYONE saying ANYTHING is an exaggerated eye-roll, followed by an animated condescending interrupting remark. My Baby-Love, my father, and my sister all had tears of laughter running down their faces as they saw my reptilian brain slowly realizing this was true. I found this out as we were all eating Mexican. I am horrified at myself. For my eye-rolling. It is so darn rude and lame. What a tool I seem to be.

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I think I will ram some meat skewers through my eyeballs to prevent this. And wear a neck brace. And staple my eyebrows in place. And stuff a gym sock in my mouth at all times. Maybe this will help. With my compulsive eye rolling and rudeness. The fundamental problem is that I think everything anyone says is stupid, and I don't understand why they are talking. In my Aspergers mush brain, I don't understand why everyone isn't always silently reading a post-graduate statistics textbook every waking moment - reading for fun. So human talking annoys me, and I must interrupt it noisily and grotesquely, by shutting people down by showing them their stupidity. So I can go back to reading my post-graduate statistics textbook - for fun. My Baby-Love let me know she will happy to launch her fists into my eye sockets, closing my eyes under purple swollen bruised flesh, the next time I roll my eyes at her. So I have that going for me.

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We will overcome this personal tragedy.

Women get Upset

Women enjoy being unhappy. However, if you are a man and suffering from the symptoms of Asperger's Disorder, you can be cured of most of the pathologies by having a shrill female threatening you with removal of your face and eyelids, for the tiniest infraction. Frankly, I was, in my youth, unhealthily detached from the outside world. Now, that world, in the person of a Small-Form-Factor Female-Type, abuses me into awareness. To my eternal gratitude. (I have been so sarcastic, so long, that even I forget exactly when I am being completely sincere. A risk of sarcasm.)