Monday, February 8, 2010

Forget the baby, happiness of Mommy & Daddy comes first

Err, take this with a grain of salt. I am not 100% what kind of frame of mind I am in, looking back at what I wrote.

Lovers embracing on the beach at sundown / sunset on Morro Strand State Beach 10 Jan 2010

A piece of paper that reads "Permission Granted to be happy - Happiness of parents trumps 'needs' of kids."

If you think you will be able to put your kid's needs before the happiness of you and your hubby-type, you are sadly mistaken, you are fooling yourself, you are setting your kid up to pay the price for your foolishness.

When you attempt to put somebody's else before your own happiness, it just builds resentment inside yourself that will spill out somewhere else. Putting someone else first - humans are just not wired that way. And when you act out of resentment from attempting to squash your own identity, your selfishness will burst out into something horrific and passive-aggressive and spiteful. Blech. Think about it - some of the most hideously self-centered people will not shut up about how "giving" they are - but it is always twisted and ultimately all done to feed their self-absorption.

Better to do some soul searching to find out what *really* gives you happiness and fulfillment. It will probably have nothing to do with the bullshit you see on Tee-Vee and the movies. Then you have a basis to build a parenting relationship upon.

Hey, forget the private school tuition if it will just lead to bottled-up resentment that will explode negatively. Have a more realistic view of your own human nature - being a parent does not make the laws of human nature disappear.

I may have to come back to this - I have a bad feeling I did not communicate well here. The relationship that my wife and I share with our daughter is based on pretty cool stuff - we can fall back on warmth and human care and interest. I hope no negative vibes are being bottled up.

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